_call it Philophobia;

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

i really dunno what i should do, who should i blame or what will happen. i cant even explain things for myself. & goodness, things are going haywire. of coz, i feel so so sad and disappointed by all his actions. however, i dunno wad i should do. sometimes, i cried silently, not knowing wad to do, till everything gets worse. i've lost the person i love dearly. & i dunno why. yes, i do initiate the break-up. but.. i have my reasons. why why isnt he caling me back to stay, and say straight to me tat he loves me still? why does this happen to me now? why not later? and why must that lena be so close to him. YES, i do feel the jealousy soemtimes. but if he treat her the same way he treat me, where do i stand? he kept telling me that she is his frend and yeah, i dun mind.. but why those msges? it hurts me, alot. a guy whom i trusted for 1 and a half year doesnt learn his lesson. i cnat believe that he culd watch me go, without calling me on the hp, asking me to be with him once again and telling me how much i mean to him in his life. instead, he just kept SILENT everytime i sent him a msg or gave him a call. now wad is that suppose to mean? WHY ARE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR SILENCE, dammit!!!!! :'( now things turned upside down and he expect me to pick those pieces up and be a good gal to come back to him. now wad does he always say?

" im sorry "
"she's just a frend "
" i dun want it to end like this "
" but i still love you "

after much that's happened, he could say all that only?
damn, im scared, and shit. im crying,

-& i leave you @ 19:08 :)