_call it Philophobia;

Thursday, January 25, 2007

the radio is like.. playing the song.. welcome to the black parade by MCR. and i reminds me of him. hais. nope, we didnt fight. juz simply some obstacles that im facing currently. hais. i dunno why, but it's always the case that my love is beeing put to test. it's sucha shitty feeling. and everything goin hay-wire now. hais. everyone was inviting me to their parties and.. towning and wadeva. but dang. hais. cant go out. i dun even have any money left! hais. broke like hell. and mum deductin my allowance. and she deducts more than 50% due to my phone bill. yeah. im not blaming him. im blaming myself. for talking to him too much. even though he never admits or say sorry cause usually he wants to talk to me. and seriously, i feel like being single once again. yeah. but.. i dunno why. this feeling comes and go. once again, it feels shitty.

everyone is talking abt their holidays. how fun it was. going town and shop and wadsoeva. of coz i love to do that too.. but.. juz that.. i cant get wad i want. all i can do is to stay at home. yeah. and gerald tan will always NOT console me. he will say.. sumthing sumthing sumthing sumthing sumthing but then.. sumthing sumthing sumthing. & damn, im getting tired of it. can u juz like. pity me once for an instance. hais. i guess it's true. u knw wad gerald tan? sumtimes.. i dun blame u. cause u are still learning. and i dunno wad u are learning.. and whenever i say sumthing like this, u will like.. "i dunno wad is going on." and "i still cant confront u, i knw. im sorry ar......." it's been MILLIONS of time i've heard that. mayb qido is rite. it's time to for u to realize. but i dunno when. maybe things will get better when we separate is it? hais. i need to be alone. but. argh. damn. im simply confused. gerald tan will NEVER come to me and confront me. when im sad and wanna put down the phone, he will say. "anything." yeah. ANYTHING. & i was like. oh. ok. u not gonna hold me back? and yeah. i put down the phone. hais. the problem doesnt starts with him. it;s juz that whenever i have a problem, he cant help me with it. he wuld be the blur blur type. and i hate it. yes, i HATE it. im sorry. but i have to let it out. come wad may. only God will listen to me, & ans my prayers.

cause gerald tan simply cant do that.

but, i still love u.
that's the biggest problem.

-& i leave you @ 22:17 :)